Tiresome

So, today ended badly.

Was supposed to attend a church camp meeting. But I had to miss it cus the Wife's aunt was flying. Thought we would be done by 9.15 latest because flight is at 1045. But they went in at 9.55pm.

Got another surprise. Was supposed to surprise a friend for her birthday. Was supposed to be in SGH and just drop medication but Carissa's dad texted and wanted us to go up. Stayed till 10.50.

So P and D got pissed naturally. And I understand.

The wife knew and now I am fighting with her to defend my friends on why they have every right to be pissed. So I ended up on Holland Road of course to walk my way in to Birthday girl's house. Cus I couldn't find myself a cab and uber was taking eons to arrive. Cancelled twice....

But that's alright. I thought my friends will understand even after the text, but you know what ? They sat on their cushy chairs being petty pissed at me without even hearing me out of course I felt their sarcasm in the group chat.

They told me that I wasn't communicating with them enough so they have the pass to be pissed with me. While I understand that they will feel this way, I think they could be more understanding.

I tend to want to please everybody till I shortchanged myself. Now my wife doesn't want to talk to me and I just hate it that generally people, are pissed at me.

In some sense I am like my mum. Not in a monetary sense but more of an emotional sense. I have so many social circles that I disappoint some and over deliver in other circles. I try to have the best of both worlds to maximise my time with them.

I would then occasionally, disappoint the ones I used to over deliver with and hang out with those whom I previously disappoint.

Scooping sand on one side to fill a hole while causing another hole to appear....

I am quite tired and I want to keep to myself. But I cannot keep still man. If my calendar is empty, I will want to fill it up.

When I slow down, I think that I am a good for nothing.

I would understand if other social circles don't understand. But if my closest friends can't over extend themselves to understand then I think we would stop short at just being friends.

Like for B, he is not that high maintenance. I like it. He is where we left off the last time. He understands that I am busy and that sometimes I don't reply because I need a break. AND most importantly he hears me out and bitch about me to my face.

We both apologise to each other when we're wrong. I think that's the way to go. Not throw shit and make each other stress. We TRUST each other to not take advantage of each other and even if we did take it for granted that we have each other, we TRUST that it is for a good reason and wait.

But no, my supposed best friends threw mud at me tonight. They might not have done it intentionally, but I sure felt like mud was slapping my face.

Anyway, I texted them and they have apologised. And I did too for not informing them.

Carissa's grandma (dad's side) is stable now (thanks for asking). The family is not close to her, therefore I factored that into the time estimation but, it turned out we were not dropping by and we were actually visiting her.... Can I say no?

What the actual EFFFFFFFFF... Still quite disappointed to know that my close friends can't trust and wait for my explanation...