I am really quite convinced...
The way of life here is just so different.
Everyone is polite and friendly.
House, Car and Landscape here is amazing.
Fish at the countless jetties and have wine every weekend.
Visit the farmer's market.
Climb the countless peaks.
Road trip to other states for a holiday.
Lastly, it's further from my problems back in Singapore.
Did I mention the weather here? Only 2 months of summer and the rest is cold !
Yes, tax and healthcare here may not be the best.
But the education system here is pretty good.
Can't wait to shift over here really...
Thursday, February 23, 2017
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Annoyed but Understandable
RANT POST
Since there is no one I can really rant to, I will rant here.
I was talking to my BFF about Oscar's study funding. Then I said he asked me a few times about how we are going to fund the next few years. Granted that I don't always remember things well. I think I am quite good with money. And I am very sure that I have spoken to him about this before. Whenever I am highly stressed I will rant to him. There was a drinking session that we had that he asked. That was when Oscar first decided to go and we were by my condo pool.
The other time was the dessert, yes I was annoyed and I showed him some attitude and was fierce with him. But I still explained how. I said end of the day really cannot we take bank loan. I was annoyed because he asked it in a tone as though I was a kid.
He is good and reading people, I admit. But unfortunately, he sometimes can read himself. And to add on to that, he tried to ask if he can back out of the bacholerette party. (if he didnt mean that, I felt that way man.) I thought we are all in this together.
He knows that my wife wanted a party because her friends are not as close to her as mine and she felt left out. Since he can read people so well, he already know why I am doing it but he still ask and ask and askkk WTF. Of course I will get angry. Come on. I am already filled with stress.
Not to belittle your stress and your own concerns. But my stress is Fucking real. If I don't earn money, where are we (wife+siblings) going to stay ? What are we going to eat ? Your concerns are real too ! But you dont have to live on the streets and eat bread or nothing at all. Because you will never run out of support !
You dont even have to fucking beg for it. I HAVE TO on the other hand. It's not my fucking fault that you're in denial. You want me to listen to your advice, but you dont even fucking take mine. Thats why nowadays I just listen, I don't give advice anymore.
Sorry for all the vulgarities. But really. Need. to. RANT.
He is not a christian, but he has a holier than thou attitude. Very chauvinistic. He thinks he is always right. He thinks that his philosophy is the way. Yeah be responsible and accountable for everything you say and do. But when you judge others according to how you judge yourself, you will be very disappointed man. The world is full of hypocrites and procrastinators. It is a cycle. People pull their socks up and then they need to rest.
Sometimes I feel like a collector's item, like he is friends with me to brag about how much connection he has with everybody. I mean that's great. BUT NO we are not your items, we don't BELONG to you. NOBODY BELONGS TO YOU. You don't get to be proud and own shit when you "THINK" that you convinced someone to be a non-christian. Or when people "LOOK LIKE" they are "FOLLOWING YOU". NO. BIG NO. That's where your mistake is.
I will be alright after this. And I won't blame him because he is going through some terrible shit. He is still my BFF, but sometimes I don't know how to tell him all these things. He is already not in the best place in life and sometimes I think that talking like this to him does not help because of 2 reasons.
1. He is dam fucking stubborn and that's born from his fucking hugely inflated ego.
2. He is slipping in and out of depression.
I tried to help to refer to him to counsellors by searching online for NEUTRAL (NON-Christian) counsellors. But thats all. I can bring the horse to the river, its up to the horse to drink.
That's if the horse thinks that it is thirsty.
BUT FUCK MAN.
LIFE IS TOUGH.
Since there is no one I can really rant to, I will rant here.
I was talking to my BFF about Oscar's study funding. Then I said he asked me a few times about how we are going to fund the next few years. Granted that I don't always remember things well. I think I am quite good with money. And I am very sure that I have spoken to him about this before. Whenever I am highly stressed I will rant to him. There was a drinking session that we had that he asked. That was when Oscar first decided to go and we were by my condo pool.
The other time was the dessert, yes I was annoyed and I showed him some attitude and was fierce with him. But I still explained how. I said end of the day really cannot we take bank loan. I was annoyed because he asked it in a tone as though I was a kid.
He is good and reading people, I admit. But unfortunately, he sometimes can read himself. And to add on to that, he tried to ask if he can back out of the bacholerette party. (if he didnt mean that, I felt that way man.) I thought we are all in this together.
He knows that my wife wanted a party because her friends are not as close to her as mine and she felt left out. Since he can read people so well, he already know why I am doing it but he still ask and ask and askkk WTF. Of course I will get angry. Come on. I am already filled with stress.
Not to belittle your stress and your own concerns. But my stress is Fucking real. If I don't earn money, where are we (wife+siblings) going to stay ? What are we going to eat ? Your concerns are real too ! But you dont have to live on the streets and eat bread or nothing at all. Because you will never run out of support !
You dont even have to fucking beg for it. I HAVE TO on the other hand. It's not my fucking fault that you're in denial. You want me to listen to your advice, but you dont even fucking take mine. Thats why nowadays I just listen, I don't give advice anymore.
Sorry for all the vulgarities. But really. Need. to. RANT.
He is not a christian, but he has a holier than thou attitude. Very chauvinistic. He thinks he is always right. He thinks that his philosophy is the way. Yeah be responsible and accountable for everything you say and do. But when you judge others according to how you judge yourself, you will be very disappointed man. The world is full of hypocrites and procrastinators. It is a cycle. People pull their socks up and then they need to rest.
Sometimes I feel like a collector's item, like he is friends with me to brag about how much connection he has with everybody. I mean that's great. BUT NO we are not your items, we don't BELONG to you. NOBODY BELONGS TO YOU. You don't get to be proud and own shit when you "THINK" that you convinced someone to be a non-christian. Or when people "LOOK LIKE" they are "FOLLOWING YOU". NO. BIG NO. That's where your mistake is.
I will be alright after this. And I won't blame him because he is going through some terrible shit. He is still my BFF, but sometimes I don't know how to tell him all these things. He is already not in the best place in life and sometimes I think that talking like this to him does not help because of 2 reasons.
1. He is dam fucking stubborn and that's born from his fucking hugely inflated ego.
2. He is slipping in and out of depression.
I tried to help to refer to him to counsellors by searching online for NEUTRAL (NON-Christian) counsellors. But thats all. I can bring the horse to the river, its up to the horse to drink.
That's if the horse thinks that it is thirsty.
BUT FUCK MAN.
LIFE IS TOUGH.
Lonely
Loneliness is when you have no one showing you empathy.
Loneliness is when you have to put up a front no matter what so that your loved ones will continue to face the future with certainty.
Loneliness is when no one understands what you're going thru.
Loneliness is knowing that no one else understands and so you don't want to impose on them or burden them with that thought that they don't know what to say or do.
Worried about the funds that Oscar is getting. We are thankful for the 2 main sponsors. But it is not enough.
Camellia knows that it is not enough for her as well and fighting both fronts at the same time is impossible.
I don't want to disappoint her. I want her to pursue whatever she wants to do. But how? Please help.
Carissa knows that I have to help my siblings. She knows that I have huge responsibilities on my shoulders. She wants a house that we can call our own. She wants to spend time with me.
I don't want to disappoint her. I want her to be worry free. I want her to do what she wants. But how?
Carolene have ambitions. But she is tied down like me. We want to be free and independent. But we can't. Not now. Not till we are mid thirties.
Who can understand me?
No one.
Who can listen to me?
No one.
Who can help me?
No one but God.
So help me God.
Help me be who You want me to be.
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