CS LEWIS

Having a bad time right now because, I made the mistake of thinking I can be better than people or even God himself. Was in the toilet when I picked up the book "Mere Christianity" by C.S Lewis.

It was mind changing. I hope I will remember this for the rest of my life.
CS Lewis was on the topic of cardinal virtues. And the part that caught me was from page 79-81 of the book.

Let me take a few parts here and there.

"Someone who is not a good tennis player may now and then take a good shot. What yo mean by a good player is a man.......have been so trained by making innumerable good shots that they now can be relied on. They have a certain tone or quality which is there even when he is not playing. 

Just as a mathematician's mind has a certain habit and outlook which is there even when he is not doing mathematics. In the same way a man who perseveres in doing just actions gets in the end a certain quality of character. Now it is that quality rather than the particular actions which we mean when we talk of a 'virtue.' 

This distinction is important for the following reason. If we though only of the particular actions we might encourage three wrong ideas."

1)Right actions can be done for the wrong reasons. If done with the wrong reason, it does not help to build an internal quality or character called the virtue. The tennis player can hit a winning stroke in anger by luck, but it will not help him to be a reliable person.

2) We might think that God wanted simply obedience to a set of rules: whereas He really wants people of a particular sort.

3) We might think that virtues are only necessary for this present life.

The point us not that God will refuse you admission to His eternal world if you have not got certain qualities of character, the point is that if people had not got at least the beginning of those qualities inside them, then no possible external conditions could make a Heaven for them.

That is, could make them happy with the deep, strong, unshakable kind of happiness God intends for us.

I think the words itself are enough for us to think about the kind of person we want to become. I am struggling with this now. I portray a good image of myself. But i always question myself. "Am I really like that?"

I don't know if God calls me home now, that I will be able to enjoy the things in heaven, the relationships that might be made in heaven.

There's this parable of the people who went to heaven but told God that they want to go to hell cus they cannot take what is in heaven. I pray that I will be moulded and I won't be like the people who asked God to send them to hell because they can't take heaven.

This blog is really good. No one comes except for me. And even if people came, they are the ones who don't know who I am.

Ciaoz gotta study for my second test. Hope I don't fail. 

It has been a long while.

After a crazy roller coaster of things happening here and there. Bubble Soccer, very rarely Laser Tag. Back at Boys' Brigade. Serving at the Young Adults Ministry at Barker. Exams are coming up in 1 month's time. Tests are next week. Tough stuff. 

The uncertainty of going to New Zealand with the fiance is starting to make me think. So many things going on with so little time. And the worse thing is I'm probably going into another business that will limit my time even more. 

Sometimes it's so crazy I just stop and listen to John Mayer and stare into space. 

I can't stop the ministries given to me. They are largely BB and YAM. I can forgo all others but not these 2. Still recovering from the lousy devotions I did with the last parade. Could've done better. But I hope they get the message. It is true that the crowd in schools nowadays need more to excite them. But how to do that without diluting the message? I don't know. 

Siblings are going overseas. Next week my youngest sis the baby of the family is leaving us for foundational studies in Trinity College at Melbourne. She will be gone for at least 4 years together with my other sister in Perth. Oscar will be gone for 5 years next year to Adelaide for Dentistry. 

The house will be empty, it's crazy. I'll be as good as the only child. That's not my greatest worry. My greatest worry is that Mum and Dad may not be able to keep up with the finances. I might need to work harder. Sometimes you don't know how much more you can push yourself you know? 

But thank God the money from the government grants for my business is in. We can use it to expand our business and possibly earn more money. 

My last worry is my really good friend. Been praying for him since Poly year 1. 

I just hope a miracle happens. I don't know what I can do to make life a little teeny bit better. 

I hope he finds really good mature friends who will give him sound advice (not that I am, I just listen tbh. I don't do much.) 

People go through bad patches in life but when yours start at a very young age and you are forced to rely on yourself, you tend to have a very different thinking. Mostly individualistic behaviour because there are trust issues and the thinking that no one will ever back you up but yourself. 

I think I was not really there for him in the first place. Not even sure if he deems me as his best friend. But he is mine. lol. He gives one of the best advices and support IMO. Most times better than my churchies but people grow up eventually. 

But you know, life is such that you have to be vulnerable to people before they open up to you and trust you. And one day we need to rely on each other's support to survive in this dark dark world. I wish I was a kid again. I remember not so long ago when I was P6 that I thought to myself, how good if life can always be this way. But life is about growing up and not letting our past shadow what we do now. Heroes don't talk about their past. 

I just pray that somehow Jesus reveals himself to this close friend of mine, in whatever way I don't know. I definitely know that its not because I prayed or talked to him that he will come to know Christ but it's truly from the deepest recess of His heart that he feels Christ showing him love and comfort. 

And 30 years down the road I want us to be sitting at some BBQ party talking about the days of the past and doing the same ministry and that is to continue to help others. Even if he doesn't believe, his fire to help the less fortunate will always burn for the right reasons. 

Anyway, run the good race and fight the good fight, win or lose, just do it and see where it gets us. 

Press on. (talking to myself since no one reads this.) 

Blessing in disguise that this blog is dead. lol.