This post is dedicated to the person I love most.
Who probably won't see this cus my blog is unknown to all except for binsoon.

I love you.

I'm sorry for feeling so jealous and sensitive all the time.
I'm surprised at how much I've changed when I look back.
I can't believe that I would behave this way.
This is the first time in my life experiencing this kind of overwhelming emotions.

I'm sorry that this is my first relationship.
I'm sorry for being so noob at handling our fights.
I'm sorry for making you envy other girls.
And for the being the unlucky girl to get me.

I'm sorry, stay happy. I know you will when the pig's gone.
I love you.

Loving someone was never easy.
Loving someone take commitment.
Loving someone takes God's love.
Loving someone takes sacrifice.
Loving someone can be painful.
Loving someone makes you vulnerable.

But I don't care about what/how much it takes, I still love you.

Have you ever felt so worried you wanna cry?
Have you ever missed someone till it hurts?
Have you ever felt you are aching to hold the one you love?
Have you ever felt insecure?

I think being liberal is overrated.
People tend to be open to strangers easily.
People tend to be touchy with strangers.
The line between close friendships and causal friendships are blurred.
We give so easily and we get hurt easily.
Life.

Sometimes being traditional for a change shows some class in a certain sense.
The conscious effort to maintain the line between close and distance.
The way we talk, our body language and our speech.
It takes a mature person to understand the power of maintaining certain distances.
There are sensitivities to take into consideration.
Stepping too close could overstep culture sensitivities.
Talking too loosely or unthought body language
Can stem on certain temptations that others might be controlling.

Being open, I find is an excuse to be careless.
When that carelessness causes trouble, we cry and blame others.

If we are open yet we show others we are firm and not easily influenced.
I guess people are giving too much credit to "everyone is doing it"
Too much credit to "do it now, consequences later"
Too much credit to "I am who I am"

Gah life... its full of drawing lines and not overstepping them.
I guess this only comes with a certain maturity.
And the person will be really mature not to overstep these lines.

I MISS CARISSA NG KAH MUN.
I'm sorry, made you pissed again.
What's worse this time is that you're overseas.
I'll try AGAIN !!!!! Please forgive me?
(Not like you can read this.)

Anyway, I'll be off to Hong Kong tomorrow.
I hope she'll be well.
I really miss Carissa.
That's life.
I just gotta suck thumb...

BIN SOON I MISS YOU TOO.
PLEASE BE SAFE.

What does it mean to miss someone and not having the ability to travel 2,300km.
Every night I would pray like a child asking God for the ability to teleport or fly.
I don't even know what to type right now.
The feeling is overwhelming.
I just hope she's safe.
I pray hard that God will watch over her.

For the past few days, I was living in a daze.
Not knowing where to go or what to do.
Even if I had something to distract me, all I had to do was look around to miss her again.
Everything I saw reminded me of her.
Even if it doesn't.
I will about how'd it be like with her around.

Gah... I just hope for the first time that time will move faster.
Sometimes I wish we had iPhone 4 to video call...
But I need to know that this is unhealthy for me.
I need to stop feeling this way.
I cannot be so dependent, It's suicidal.
But I can't... I blardy miss her...
I wish that she'll never have to go too far from me. EVER AGAIN...

I MISS YOU. I KNOW YOU'LL NEVER READ THIS BLOG CUS YOU DON'T KNOW THIS BLOG.
but if you do... I hope you'll see how much I missed you.

I knew this would happen if twitter came back :(

Our priorities show by what we do before we sleep and the moment we're awake.
As long as you're my friend I'll try my best to be there.
I'll know your threshold for jokes.
I'll recognize that you're my friend and walk with you when you're down.
I'll not judge you for your mistakes but encourage when I see effort.
I won't put you down no matter what and I will wait for you to turn back.
I will be emo and express my feelings and thoughts.
But all these are standards I hold to myself.
I can't expect them from my friends.
We are humans. We are not perfect.

I just feel sad. Sad that life makes you choose between people who are dear to you.
Sad that people are jealous.
Sad that I am not mature enough to plan my time.
Sad that people don't see what I see.
Sad that they are constantly making excuses and not admitting faults.
So what if you eloquent?
So what if you can lie fluently?
SO WHAT?
Can you live with it?
If you can live with lies that you have fed your dear ones with.
Or live in self denial and not see people around you are hurt.
Then you're not fit to be my friend.
I am very disappointed and sad.

I might be critical, but I know I am right.
I am trying to make it right too.

Just wanna live life with my family and other half and some good friends.
Can?

-just another human living his life.