What is family? 

Recently, I've been learning alot more about that word. Its not about the advice, money or time they give you. Its the physical and mental space they give you. Regardless of time, money and advice. 

My brother decided not to come back to Singapore. At a time when I personally feel is the most crucial period of his life. And his main reason? He wants to get married. He tried so hard to justify it objectively, but there were just too many holes. Financially, he overestimates rent and overlooks CPF. He says he has guaranteed pay in Melbourne. But does he think he will fail with me and a whole group of friends who will support him? 

He justifies with opportunities and other auxillary reasons. But he is my brother. I know him. More than the girl he loves. And I am cock sure, he will ask for leniency on his loans or suppoprt when he has kids and all the burdens of life converge on him as he grows up. 

But he will never learn tenacity and grit of being his own man. He will instead be cushioned by a life of real estate, car, and holidays bought for his future wife. Which he so happens to be a part of. He will be beholden to the new family he forms. He will be alas. abandoning the very family that supported him. 

Heck, we knew he would leave us when he got together with the girl. slowly but surely. What of physical and mental presence of my brother to support and work together to rebuild something that we have lost? Nada. All but talk of hopes and dreams from a man who has not put in sweat and action for his family. 

Enough about him. 

Let's talk about my youngest sister-in-law. We knew she was always a weak-willed person. Someone who uses people to get what she wants from them. The satisfaction of knowing that she is needed. That her company is helpful.She makes you feel like she bought into the family's dream of building an empire. She spents coupious hours, days, and weeks with you and your business. 

But when she gets drained from the menial tasks that are so beneath her, she starts to ask co-workers around her whether this is what they want for the rest of their lives. Of course, they are gonna second guess the goals and dreams that I so carefully sold to them. Of course they are going to second guess their options. 

Especially when we are out running around building the business and they dont hear from us. Of course. Of course. They will... eventually leave. Because she spends more time on the ground. 

They will start to form serious prejudices against the other slower and mentally handicapped people. They form cliques to diss and talk about their performance in the guise of the "interest" of this business. How can we be more efficient if this guy is always so slow. Always small talking Part timers? Of course they will start to demand to have their shifts move away from this co worker. 

Of course, this "sister" will begin to look like the saviour of the business and "help" us rid off staff that are incapable. Of course, her version of how the business should move towards become her righteous drive to steer my business. And anything other than her ways will bring the business to failure. 

So one by one, they stop seeing my vision. Only my failure. 

I had to stem the rot and cut them like weed in the beautifu garden that was beginning to take shape. Suddenly, my botanical gardens felt the beating of a relentless thunderstorm. Cloudy, gloomy, and drenched in the negativity spread by this one person. 

Of course her intentions are good. But she doesnt see the shadow that she carries with her. So insidious, so destructive... My immediate reaction was to weed all of them out. 

And I did. People and I noticed that the coffee owner was spending his lunch hour and dinners with my "sister" in-law. I honestly didn't noticed until they asked. So we decided to weed out these people. Infected by her seemlingly good intentions. 

Right now, I'm raging, because never again. Never will I allow such destructive, draining, deceitful, and conniving people in my life. 

The whole situation with my parents hadn't taught me enough. It took 2 more "family" members to teach me a lesson, perhaps a third person, the person whom I'm supposedly united with. I no longer understand her, I can't tell if she is on my side anymore. 

I can trust no one. The betrayal by my parents, brother and this "sister" in-law is too great. Never again. Never will I give them even a strand of my hair. NO emotions, no more mental capacity, no more money, no more love for them. They don't deserve it. Focus on the people who matters, H and my sisters only. No more. Because tonight, I make a stand. I stand with those who bled with me and stood by me while I bled. 

Jesus says to love all. But I need forgiveness because all the love I can give now are these people. I have no more love to give, I am numb to friends, relatives, strangers and people who have betrayed me. 

All I can rely on now is Jesus, the life giver. To extend that much grace to me, because I honestly am empty on grace to give to others. With what little I have, I now give to family.