MacLama

2011-07-27T00:11:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when we reach a certain height in wherever we are.
We get a little cocky... we acquire an air around us...
It sucks... I hope I'll never be like that.
The worst thing is, we don't know we have it and no one says anything.

But if ever our friends tell us, we swipe it aside.
It's just a passing comment.
Sometimes friendships turn sour and when we look back,
we wasted time. We could still be friends.

Maybe I'm thinking the whole scenario in my mind.

See this is life.
Imagine someone puts it too strongly to you.
You might even feel discouraged.
I think I would.

If a low confidence friend thru your encouragement came out of his hole.
And he saw that being confident have it's pros.
He starts to become so confident till it reaches a point of arrogance.
What do you do?
You know it's potentially dangerous for him but you don't want to burst his bubble.
Now that's hard right?
Haha so I guess I should tone it down and be humble then...
Hopefully he sees it and he changes too :)

I'm not a very humble person anyway.
I too, am a arrogant white horse.

signing off,
Xavier

2011-05-25T01:30:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking.
Is the company capable enough?
Capable enough to be scalable?
Capable enough to be the biggest laser tag service provider in Singapore?
We are getting known, no doubt.
But at what speed?
We need to come back again to synchronise our steps again.
So that we don't step on each others toes.

What I want the company to cater.
We want to do a lot of things.
We want to be able to cater to all demographics.
How are we going to make our company exclusive.

Although we sell our tea for $1 compared to $5 Starbucks coffee.
What is our selling point?
To make our games affordable and to share the fun of laser tag.
Both friendly to the young and the old.
We are definitely student friendly.

What are some of the skills that we possess that we can sell?
Teamwork?
How do we do that?
Do we have a lesson plan for each game?
Can we learn through that?

We need to define the path we choose.

2011-05-25T01:04:00.000-07:00

Emo. I HOPE the clothes thing won't come back again.
Nvm. When I enter army. I can't see shit.
She can wear anything she wants :(

2011-05-22T23:04:00.000-07:00

Having a bad day today.
Gonna try smiling it away to keep myself positive.
Just wanna give up LT.
But I can't I have so much to prove with that.
Family, Friends and My Future UNI.

This is life, it a process of maturity to be able to fight for the things that matter.
And pull back for those that don't really matter.

Well I had a great day yesterday.
Spent much of my time with Carissa.
Macdonalds for brunch, chicken rice for lunch and popcorn, nachos and MOS burgers for dinner.
A day well spent.

Feel much further away from God.
Did things that are not pleasing to Him.
Knew it but pushed it aside.
I just pray that God would take this "disease" away from me.

Trying to do something with my life.
But I'm so lazy.
Better wake up from this nightmare soon.

I wished I was 5.
I went everywhere with no worries.
Did everything with child-like innocence.

Growing up is tough.

2011-05-13T10:04:00.000-07:00

I hate SMSing...
Why can't people just call?
Must type so long to explain...
It's like neverending smses... just keep coming...

And whats up with the stupid questions on facebook?
Read the description and you will know what the group is all about!?
KK chill... Must be the weather.

2011-05-03T22:20:00.001-07:00

Had a good lunch with Carissa at pizzahut
LOVED IT :)
Talked about our future and how I'm so excited about the future.

But,
"Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring forth."
Proverbs 27:1 NIV

So here I am, back to reality.
If I really want a future for us,
I must wake up, start studying and earn some cash.

Stop being sticky and judgmental.
Treat everything with love.
I've yet to grasp the the true meaning of love.
I hope I do soon.
I want to pray for self-control and discipline.
To pass my NAPFA and SAT with Gold and 1900 at least.

Should I continue with Laser Tag?
But it feels like a lost cause to me.
I'll Do what I have to do and see how.

Dear God,
Help me to have a greater passion for you.

2011-05-02T22:42:00.000-07:00

Came across this:

A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow. "
The father thought some and said,

"OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy.
Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner.
Your mother will be the government because she controls everything,
our maid will be the working class because she works for us,
you will be the people because you answer to us,
and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?"

The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."
Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed,
the little boy was awaken by his baby brother's crying.
Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper.

So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty
and his mother wouldn't wake up.
Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall,
and when he reached the door,
he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid.
The son then turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table,
"Dad, I think I understand politics much better now."
"Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?"
The little boy thought for a minute and said,
"I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class,
government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap. "

Although I can't vote.
I'm not pro opposition or pro PAP.
I'm rooted for the one who shows servant leadership.
Someone who will apologise to his people and move on.
Not cover up or act "macho".

On a side note.
I love my girlfriend.

Xavier

2011-04-29T21:52:00.001-07:00

We do what we do out of love and sometimes,
how we hurt so much when we commit so much.
But we still push on for love.
To show the world what love is.
I hope it'll followthrough.

2011-04-29T21:44:00.001-07:00

She knows my blog. I told her awhile back.
No one reads this blog other than me, or so I thought.
She reads it too.
After every 2 days we fight.
The trend is coming back.
We will tire ourselves out again.
Like what she said better to see each other over the weekends only.
So she can concentrate on studying.
Been trying to do that.
Did pretty well last week.
Only met her in the morning for 2 days.

We agreed we said things cus of raging emotions and to get attention from one another.
We agreed to move on.
Looking back at my posts I know why you're pissed.
I understand.
I hope one day we can read them as relics or history books that will remind us not to be like that to each other.
Cus it's hurtful.

This break will help us see each other in better light I hope.

Mum made awesome lunch.
Trying to live each day with less thoughts about you is my greatest challenge right now.
When I enjoy things I do, I will think about how we would enjoy it.
WHen I hate it, I promise myself not to include you.
Constant thoughts of you are driving me insane.

Xavier

2011-04-25T17:59:00.001-07:00

I wanna remember the best times we had together.
The times where I surprised her at random places.
WIth candles, food and humble gifts.
We had the best time during our stay in Sentosa:)
Spending quiet times walking down the beach together.
Have late breakfasts and awesome lunches and dinners.
I felt very special.
But the way you make everyone feel special kinda marginalized me.
I know I'm getting way more. DUH.
When you make other girls feel special I'm like whatever....
But when you make other guys feel special, I rage inside.
But there's a tiny battle that happens in my mind...
Fighting the rage with memories and assurance.
It's just worse when you don't mind standing arm to arm with another guy
when there's SO MUCH SPACE.

I remember when I was 14 and I was in the train.
This hot girl accidentally brushed my hands and it felt like heaven.
And when some hot girl take notice of me and even takes the initiative to text me first
IT FELT LIKE THE BEST THING ON EARTH.
THE GUYS AGREED WITH ME ON THAT.
SO I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FELT THAT WAY.

BOTTOMLINE. When you're attached be less touchy with other sex to escape unnecessary problems.

2011-04-25T17:53:00.000-07:00

I'm just really thankful and I appreciate that she's trying:)

2011-04-25T17:29:00.000-07:00

The lack of sensitivity and boundaries with males, shows how important I am to you.
I hope I will be less sensitive.
But the natural instinct to show other males who owns her is damn strong when boundaries are crossed.
Jealousy and potential rage...

2011-04-25T17:08:00.000-07:00

Why must she be the only one in class to sit with the guys?
Why can't she be like other girls and be friendlier to girls than guys?
Why open up so many unnecessary possibilities?
Can't she just understand me?
Must she be so open-minded? Brains can fall out you know...

I love her personality, that's why I got together with her.
But her outgoing personality ironically kills me.

She's too comfortable with people too fast.
It's like a sped up friendship. Then something happens and "kaboom."

I've heard too many sorries to forgive, if something do happen.

I know all these translates to insecurities and it is unhealthy.
It seems like I don't trust her?
I just don't want any possibility of anything that can contribute to the fall of a person.

Let's not lie... Being unaware of how touchy and over expressive can lead to situations
that you might not have intended.
Then, "sorry" and "I shouldn't have done that" will be such a pain in the ass.

When I explain to you and you get angry, it's cause you preconceived the convo before I end.
Listen to the full thing. How I started it and how it ended.
If you don't, and just get pissed over my first sentence without hearing me out.
Obviously you will be pissed.
Cus it is a halfway story in your thoughts and you let speculations of what I meant in.
These preconceived notions then breaks us apart.
Because you think that I'm thinking of you in negative light.

This totally blots out who I am to you, what we've done together, what we've done for each other.
That means the good times.
Anger and hysteria sets in to kill and destroy the relationship.
Because that's not what I meant.
But it killed us.
Your own thoughts did. Because you didn't want to hear the whole thing...

2011-04-24T23:17:00.000-07:00

Is it bad for me to comment on my girlfriend's inclination to accept
random friend requests from people she don't know?

2011-04-09T15:39:00.000-07:00

Stayed up the whole night to finish up my lesson for today.
It's on John Chapter 5 and how if you aim to please God, He will look on you with favor and give you the best life.
Saying is easy. The doing part... Just gotta be stronger.
How I wish life was easier... Just say and you'll do it.

OKay I didn't really stay up...
I slept for 4 hours? haha
I was nodding off...
Oh yeah I'm at coffee bean...
I'm quite tired now...
I think I need to sleep once I get home.

Had a huge battle. My fault for being too spiteful.
I'm sorry I played the guilt card.
I'm sorry I was ranting at you.
I'm sorry I made you feel so small.
Hope you're better now.
Hope I'm forgiven.

I've always kept in my heart that if you love someone "pride" is really nothing.
Love is not about loving the person for who she is.
It's about loving the person for the good and bad traits.
To concentrate on the good traits so that they can outshine the bad trait.
And then tell them to improve on the bad trait that is important for life.
Iron sharpening iron.
If you just accept the person for who they are then whats the point?
Then I say you really don't love the person.
Because you don't help them to become a better person.

But you must be willing to accept your flaws and change them.
Then both will go through a changing process together.
Okay I'm nagging.
It's love that changes us to strive towards what our partners like and dislike about us.

2011-04-09T15:02:00.000-07:00

I've learnt something from all the fights with my mum.
Don't do any rash talking or actions when you're angry.
It does no one any good.
True story.
You'll regret what you say, what you did and what you didn't do.
And that is not walking away to get your head straight first.

2011-04-09T14:32:00.001-07:00

If you're too loose with words, the person you really love won't feel special.
Cus everyone gets the same stuff.
I thought sweet nothings are for couples.
But I was proven wrong.

I thought I was that sparkle in your eye?
I guess I have to share the space in your eye:(
I thought I was everything to you.
But I guess I'm part of that everything:(

I don't see other people talking to their mission trip kids like that.
Only somewhere along the lines of "I miss yous" and 'hope you're doing fine."
Nothing overly serious till it sounds like they're attracted to each other like couples do.
I don't feel that special anymore.
I just feel that it's weird to talk this way to someone you barely know.
2 weeks or less but the talk seems like a 30 year old friendship.

We're into 7 months and I only got those expressions recently.
Maybe over expressiveness do speed up and skip the natural processess that a friendship ought to take place.
We tend to forget that the people who loves us most deserves that kind of expressions more than anyone else.
I'm talking about God, Parents, Family, the other half, teachers who touched our lives...

I just feel that the words used on me are recycled.
I don't go around saying "I love you", "I miss you" or "you're that sparkle in my eyes" to other people so easily.
Only to my other half and people who have been through with me most parts of my life.
Not a 2 weeks friendship.
I feel so crapped up that a 2 weeks friend got to you while it took me months.
Take it slow... we have to be more cautious as we grow up.
People get more scheming, complicated and crazy to make friends with.
You're massively friendly... I GET IT BUT...
Don't be too anxious to open yourself up.
Cus when people stab you in the back, you can only blame yourself for opening up too easily.

Just talking myself haha.
Nobody reads this anyway...
Blogging is a dying trend.

:( I really needed to rant this out.

2011-04-06T22:52:00.000-07:00

Maybe it will all end soon.
Gotta set my landing gear and land back to reality.
Hope the people I love most will be there for me all the way.

2011-04-05T21:48:00.000-07:00

I just found out that I need A math for all my business modules. I am screwed and crapped up.
Now I need to take O-level A math and A level A math...
Gotta go and find all the A math stuff...
Hopefully I'm smart enough for H1/2 math. Stupid me luhh...

2011-04-05T17:16:00.001-07:00

I was emoing at the atrium.
Just as I was about to head to the gym, I saw Jacob Ng.
He came over and said, "I was just thinking about you." (he's my DGL)
We had breakfast together.
He told me about his honeymoon and how he spent it briefly.
Talked to him about the holiday I had in HK. He went there too.
But we didn't bump into each other.

I was really inspired when he shared with me the things he did during the honeymoon.
Jacob and Yvonne(JY) talked ad prayed over the micro things that a married couple must manage.
Like finances, housing, having a baby and how God plays a part in his life.
He is a Godly friend. Really. He said it was foolish of them to over worry about finances.
Because at the end of parable of the rich man Jesus said,
the foolish man doesn't know that his life will be taken away from him tonight.
The riches that he saved could not be taken up with him.

And I saw how they did QT every morning separately for 30mins-1hour.
Seeking God. They know that God is the centre of their lives.
That the relationship with God is a must to keep even though they have a new phase of life together.

Then Jacob said to love a person wholeheartedly is more important than what you do for them.
It is a heart condition. Do you say you love God and that's why you show that you read the bible?
NO! it's because you love Jesus and it becomes a natural thing for you to do.
It's because you love and that's why there's nothing to boast about when you read the bible (this is an example)
Do you boast about how much you love your life that's why you drink water?
NO it's cus it's a natural thing for us to drink water and love life. There's nothing to boast about.
Thats really something for me to think about man...
That kind of love takes maturity and help from God. I pray for that kind of love.

Help me love God everyday and tell Him that each day was for Him.
Help me to do that Jesus.

2011-03-28T05:07:00.001-07:00

This post is dedicated to the person I love most.
Who probably won't see this cus my blog is unknown to all except for binsoon.

I love you.

I'm sorry for feeling so jealous and sensitive all the time.
I'm surprised at how much I've changed when I look back.
I can't believe that I would behave this way.
This is the first time in my life experiencing this kind of overwhelming emotions.

I'm sorry that this is my first relationship.
I'm sorry for being so noob at handling our fights.
I'm sorry for making you envy other girls.
And for the being the unlucky girl to get me.

I'm sorry, stay happy. I know you will when the pig's gone.
I love you.

Loving someone was never easy.
Loving someone take commitment.
Loving someone takes God's love.
Loving someone takes sacrifice.
Loving someone can be painful.
Loving someone makes you vulnerable.

But I don't care about what/how much it takes, I still love you.

2011-03-25T06:21:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt so worried you wanna cry?
Have you ever missed someone till it hurts?
Have you ever felt you are aching to hold the one you love?
Have you ever felt insecure?

I think being liberal is overrated.
People tend to be open to strangers easily.
People tend to be touchy with strangers.
The line between close friendships and causal friendships are blurred.
We give so easily and we get hurt easily.
Life.

Sometimes being traditional for a change shows some class in a certain sense.
The conscious effort to maintain the line between close and distance.
The way we talk, our body language and our speech.
It takes a mature person to understand the power of maintaining certain distances.
There are sensitivities to take into consideration.
Stepping too close could overstep culture sensitivities.
Talking too loosely or unthought body language
Can stem on certain temptations that others might be controlling.

Being open, I find is an excuse to be careless.
When that carelessness causes trouble, we cry and blame others.

If we are open yet we show others we are firm and not easily influenced.
I guess people are giving too much credit to "everyone is doing it"
Too much credit to "do it now, consequences later"
Too much credit to "I am who I am"

Gah life... its full of drawing lines and not overstepping them.
I guess this only comes with a certain maturity.
And the person will be really mature not to overstep these lines.

2011-03-19T05:12:00.000-07:00

I MISS CARISSA NG KAH MUN.
I'm sorry, made you pissed again.
What's worse this time is that you're overseas.
I'll try AGAIN !!!!! Please forgive me?
(Not like you can read this.)

Anyway, I'll be off to Hong Kong tomorrow.
I hope she'll be well.
I really miss Carissa.
That's life.
I just gotta suck thumb...

BIN SOON I MISS YOU TOO.
PLEASE BE SAFE.

2011-03-16T06:28:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to miss someone and not having the ability to travel 2,300km.
Every night I would pray like a child asking God for the ability to teleport or fly.
I don't even know what to type right now.
The feeling is overwhelming.
I just hope she's safe.
I pray hard that God will watch over her.

For the past few days, I was living in a daze.
Not knowing where to go or what to do.
Even if I had something to distract me, all I had to do was look around to miss her again.
Everything I saw reminded me of her.
Even if it doesn't.
I will about how'd it be like with her around.

Gah... I just hope for the first time that time will move faster.
Sometimes I wish we had iPhone 4 to video call...
But I need to know that this is unhealthy for me.
I need to stop feeling this way.
I cannot be so dependent, It's suicidal.
But I can't... I blardy miss her...
I wish that she'll never have to go too far from me. EVER AGAIN...

I MISS YOU. I KNOW YOU'LL NEVER READ THIS BLOG CUS YOU DON'T KNOW THIS BLOG.
but if you do... I hope you'll see how much I missed you.

2011-03-06T05:56:00.001-08:00

I knew this would happen if twitter came back :(

2011-03-06T05:28:00.000-08:00

Our priorities show by what we do before we sleep and the moment we're awake.
As long as you're my friend I'll try my best to be there.
I'll know your threshold for jokes.
I'll recognize that you're my friend and walk with you when you're down.
I'll not judge you for your mistakes but encourage when I see effort.
I won't put you down no matter what and I will wait for you to turn back.
I will be emo and express my feelings and thoughts.
But all these are standards I hold to myself.
I can't expect them from my friends.
We are humans. We are not perfect.

I just feel sad. Sad that life makes you choose between people who are dear to you.
Sad that people are jealous.
Sad that I am not mature enough to plan my time.
Sad that people don't see what I see.
Sad that they are constantly making excuses and not admitting faults.
So what if you eloquent?
So what if you can lie fluently?
SO WHAT?
Can you live with it?
If you can live with lies that you have fed your dear ones with.
Or live in self denial and not see people around you are hurt.
Then you're not fit to be my friend.
I am very disappointed and sad.

I might be critical, but I know I am right.
I am trying to make it right too.

Just wanna live life with my family and other half and some good friends.
Can?

-just another human living his life.

2011-02-27T06:58:00.000-08:00

Just read about Brian Khoo's post about death.
How unreal it is and strange to marvel into what that last breath would be like.
Death is everywhere.
We read it, watch it and think about it sometimes.
That one liner Brian wrote.
"I may be going through some downs, but life is too good to give"
It's true.
I still have loads of things to check on my list.
Even if God takes away the most important person in my life now.
I must learn to let go.
I'm not saying He will, I'm just saying what if one day He just decides to.

It's strange how people works.
I just hope everything will be on my side.
Don't we all?
Like take the bus and the sun is on the other side.
Ask for more and pay the same amount.

I just hope I won't string my words too loosely and loose myself in the process.
Well at least I know that I will come to my senses after 5 minutes of reflection.
I tend to weigh whats worth and whats not.
Apologise and get it back.
That's me.

2011-02-26T20:04:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I see myself as superman, "I don't make mistakes" kind.
But I'm wrong, I do make mistakes.
I was taught from young that it is more important that I admit my mistakes.
More than anything else integrity.

I remember, when I was younger, mum would scold me for failing to apologise.
Then I'll say "sorry" and she would say, "don't say it if you don't mean it, you just say it for the sake of saying."
I will always go, "Mum! Why don't you believe me that I mean it?"
I actually I don't. I apologised in anger.
People can see if I was sincere.

I remember when I was in Sec 1.
I finally had the balls to own up and say,
"mum those times I shouted back at you with a guilt card, they were empty, I didn't mean it. I'm sorry I lied."
She would say, "Vier, you've grown up. You learn how to admit your mistakes even though you know the consequences. I forgive you."
That taught me a lot and it even taught me how to play poker.
Call the bluff only when I have a good hand, don't bluff the bluff.
It'll just backfire and cost me more.

Now I know how it feels to be in Mum's shoes.
Now I truly know my mum's struggles and pain.
Ah well this is life.
Although I know how it feels like to be wearing my mum's shoes,
I will often slip back into my old self and bluff the bluff.

So when you suspect I'm calling bluff with the bluff,
expose me and I will apologise.
This is my code of honor from young.

Xavier's life.

2011-02-25T17:10:00.000-08:00

Hey Back again,

I was searching google on relationships and this website came out.

http://www.petting-zoo.org/Essays/?p=1178

It was really good. Short and simple points.

Taught me more about relationships.

AWESOME.

THANK GOD.

Now I think I can finally level up in my relationships with family, friends and girlfriend :)

I have to learn how to let go.

Even when I miss them terribly.

I can't always appear.

I just have to let them know.

SO ANYWAY !

SECOND CHANCE :D

Love,

Xavier

2011-02-16T18:08:00.000-08:00

I think its too much and I'm killing it like squeezing the hamster too much.

2011-02-16T13:34:00.000-08:00

"All things are permissible but not all things are beneficial."

2011-02-16T02:22:00.001-08:00

Circumstances and the choices we made brought us to where we are today.

It becomes our identity.

Question is, when are we willing to throw them away for Jesus.

I say it here and not FB so that people won't think I'm some self righteous bugger.

Cus there's no traffic here at all.

Well at least I write it here to remind myself.

2011-02-15T23:46:00.000-08:00

Why Why Why.

Fashion (cleavage, butt, panty, tight -showing clothes) or decency?

I'm sorry I have no fashion sense.

Cover important parts is all I ask.

SO there are no OOPS moments.

No free-shows.

I hope it gets through.

It's a good thing that I'll be going army soon.

I can't comment if I don't see.

I can't be a naggy piece of junk that talks rubbish.

I'm sorry that I said natural pretty girls don't deserve make up.

I'm sorry.

Let's just hope I get a job soon.

Be distracted from "judging" and talking crap.

On a brighter note. EXAMS ARE UP NEXT !!!
REPORTS ARE DONE !!!!

yay

-Xav

2011-02-13T21:42:00.000-08:00

All I ever wanted was a sorry.

It might be blablabla but I mean a lie is still a lie right?

A half truth is still a lie.

A coverup story is still a lie.

An alteration in facts is still a lie.

Self denial is still a lie.

Sometimes I ask myself how did all these start.

And I blame myself.

We are all humans.

I need to "kan kai" and forgive like what Jesus did for me.

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

I can't even pick up a stone. I was a sinner, I still am a sinner.

May God be my guide.

Forgive me Lord.

Love

Xavier.

2011-02-13T19:55:00.000-08:00

Just puzzled that something's changing.

I feel it.

It's getting stronger.

I blame myself for this.

All these hide and seek.

I'm tired of seeking.

I just want honesty.

I won't comment anymore.
I will just give in.

Love is more than a lie.

I forgive.

I relent.

Just need the truth now.

I'm tired

2011-02-13T18:31:00.000-08:00

I get a headache because of this all the time.

I need to take Bin Soon's advice. "kan kai"

I need to be less obsessed with this and more obsessed with my studies.

The things that matters more.

I will just "Kan Kai" no more fights... I'm tired.

Just hope that one day I will come to see that the truth will set me free.

How I love life.

2011-02-13T18:11:00.000-08:00

I mean if you planned for something already just say right?

What is so bad about meeting your friend when I will be busy?

When she said she will be alone with that look I knew that in her mind she's planning for something already.

But now that I'm free and she cancelled her appointment because of me. I feel bad too.

Should I lie about having a meeting so that she can meet her friend?

Should I just say I feel bad and a fight might start?

I'm scared, scared of airing my opinions.

I mean if you love someone, you will think of them and tell them about your plans no?

Especially on a valentine's day?

Then again she made the effort to meet her and all that. She said she's just a hi/bye friend.

Shouldn't she be the one making the effort if she wants you as a friend?

Then again, who am I to control her.

I dislike the things she do, not hate her. She will definitely influence her

The next thing I know will be, going out with her and doing things that I dislike because it's wrong. ah well.

I just pray that I'm wrong.

I mean if she can hide something this small from me.

She can also hide bigger things better when I'm in the army.

Obviously you're not doing it yet cus I'm not in the army yet.

Love is trust.

But don't preach trust when you're not building it.

2011-02-13T17:50:00.001-08:00

What is dignity?

Is it worth 5 cents or a billion dollars?

How much am I willing to give it up in the name of spite or impulsive moments?

NEVER exchange God for momentary pleasure. It's not worth it.

God save us.

2011-02-13T08:02:00.000-08:00

How you feel does not matter.

God is still God.

He is still on the throne of grace.

Always prepared to catch you.

Always there to break your fall.

His love is unconditional, undivided and everlasting.

The word undivided is held close to my heart.

Now I know how God feels when we love in part.

Love the good parts about Him and hate the disciplining/obeying parts.

I know how He feels when I misunderstood His plans for me.

I complained to Him when I don't see His way.

It's all coming back.

The person who reads this will know what I mean.

I thank God for Bin Soon really.

The only one who'll hear my rantings and take it with a pinch of salt.

With a solid advise "it's not worth dying for someone we know we don't have yet, sometimes we don't see what we already have and we lose it cus we get complacent."

The people who care are the people who will get hurt most when you die.

Okay I'll be contented with anyone who'll just sit there and listen to my rants.

I was reminded today about 1 Cor 13:4-9 i think. about love.

I need to learn how to distract myself from seeing what she does and say in her world.

then I will get less disappointments and judgments.

I'm such a nagger.

2011-02-09T08:53:00.000-08:00

Stupid lies, cover ups, half truths and damage controls.

Scared? Don't do what is disliked?

Problem solved!

Don't have to lie, cover up, half truths or damage control.

Cannot?

Now is a facade. I can't imagine what it's gonna be like

when I enter army.

FREEDOM,

YES XAV IS NOT HERE !!! HEHEHEHE

CONFIRM. BET A BILLION BUCKS.

DO (means alot of things) WHAT YOU WANT. IT WILL HAPPEN, IT WILL.

SAY WHAT YOU WANT, IT WILL HAPPEN, IT WILL.

2011-02-09T08:26:00.000-08:00

I am so tired.

Repeating myself and looking like a nag.

It stops for a week, MAX!

Always hoping it'll last.

It's so inconsistent now that I'm paranoid.

It comes and goes as and when.

I'm not supposed to comment.

I'll get stoned. Or at least face a stone.

It's tough.

But I hope.

It's tiring.

But I love.

It's disappointing.

But I try.

I'll keep trying, cus that's what love does.

It's like adrenaline.

It pumps you up.

Because each time you see the perfect ending.

You strive hard for it.

Perhaps too hard till you overheat and die.

You try slowing down.

But fear and doubts take the driver's seat.

Love and You take the backseat.

Soon you're on a rampage to destruction.

Breakup is imminent.

Desperately patching it.

While the other watches, wait and have fun.

It's not a game.

Don't play with hearts.

It can kill.

DON'T EVER LIE. ESPECIALLY TO YOUR LOVE ONES

THEY ASKED CUS THEY CARE.

It's what put fear and doubts in the driver's seat.

Paranoia develops into a monster.

It'll eat you inside out.

Tear you to pieces and make you go mad.

I need a relighted passion.

Mature mind.

Caring self.

2011-02-07T23:39:00.000-08:00

Is it worth? Is it tangible?

Is it real? Can it happen?

Why? I wanted it to be simple.

No masks, no make ups, just something simple.

For a simple guy like me. Not too much till I drown.

Why? I asked for it.

Now I feel it's getting complicated.

It's getting bad.

I wanna run

I wanna get out

Perhaps NS will be a good getaway.

2011-01-23T16:10:00.000-08:00

I always thought that life is simple.

But it isn't when you face litmus tests. Especially when it turns red.

I want back my life with God.

I want to live like I used to. I woke up each morning to God.

I'll just take my guitar and sing to God.

I will stand on stage just to show people that God is real in my life.

I will go to church wanting to spend time with my community.

I will go to school wanting to spend time with crusaders.

God I really want that back.

God I'm sorry.

I know this confession is not specific.

God I pray that you will reveal to my heart the things that I have done to disappoint you.

Every single speck that is keeping me away from you.

I'm sorry.

Love,

Xavier

2011-01-23T03:25:00.000-08:00

Everlasting God, Eternal Father,

I pray that I will let go more.

I pray that you will help me focus more on my walk with you.

I pray that as I walk with You I will trust You more with my life.

I pray that everything will be in place as I seek You.

I pray that I will glorify Your name with the choices I make for You.

I pray that You will honor me too for the choices that I make.

I pray that You will give me the strength and the courage to make those choices.

I pray that by Your grace you will be sufficient for me.

I pray that I will not be afraid to let go.

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen.

2011-01-23T01:29:00.000-08:00

Really ? Do I have to ?

Do what the book say?

Only make friends who are building you up.

No point mixing around with friends who will pull you down?

I think it's true and that has been my principle.

Did I fail this time?

I need time for myself again and need to find myself again.

I need to think about what's best for myself again.

I had the determination to stop, seriously.

But I can't whenever I think of it.

It's so tough to get rid of this mental block.

It's so tough to get over it alone.

God I need help :(

This is so draining. Worse than last sem.

I need to LET GO.

LET GO Xavier LET GO !

2011-01-22T15:43:00.000-08:00

Had a talk with Damien and Prash yesterday. It was really good !

For the longest time I've been asking those who don't attend church to go !

But when it hit me, I didn't saw it coming and I got sucked out of my church community.

Now I know what it means by don't enter into a battle alone.

They advised me and gave me the chance to apologise and prove it to them.

But most importantly to God.

I really need to stand firm. I really need to know my ground and work it out.

Prash used the example of an ants nest.

They build it grain by grain, it'll turn out to be badass although it's built from grains.

We all have had our fair share of weaknesses that led to sin.

But if I have stumbled my christian brothers and sisters, I deserve a huge slap from each one.

And I deserve your disgusts, disses, jokes, name-calling and put-downs.

But I think if you're my true christian brothers and sisters, I deserve your encouragement, prayers and constant reminders.

Maybe I'm demanding for a beggar. Maybe you see it as I don't deserve it.

But I hope you will see the fire in my eyes when I say I want to change.

I just pray that from now on I will make the conscious effort to stop this.

I pray that Jesus will be on my mind from now.

I'm gonna start praying everyday and I'm gonna set alarm to remind myself.

Be it for 1 min or 5mins or 1 hour.

All I ask from my friends is to keep Carissa and I in your prayers.

Thanks.

Xavier

2011-01-22T00:11:00.000-08:00

I thought the meaning of love is simple.

You would sacrifice anything. ANYTHING.

Even if you know it might be potentially wrong.

But if it's wrong then you have vested your love on the wrong person.

No?

I know God's love for sure.

Love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

He will definitely rebuke those who makes use of His love.

There will be consequences.

I hope Carissa and I will learn how to love each other more each day as we learn how to love God first :)

When we do, when we obey all His commands, we will learn how to love humans.

Anybody on the streets.

And we will definitely know how to prevent ourselves from being a stumbling block to others.

I wanna start now God and start praying.

I pray that I will repent.

Today on 22nd Jan

2011-01-19T03:34:00.001-08:00

Dinner !!!

Just trying to get used to the loner life :)

I'm fine :)

At least have blogger :D

2011-01-19T02:59:00.000-08:00

It's a dead blog.

Isolated enough for me to type how I feel here. No one comes anyway.

I'm already missing her when I think of army.

Now I'm missing her even more because I can't spend my BLARDY HOLIDAYS with her.

We are always rushing through. You know how that FEELS ?

No you don't.
When I cry you probably don't know.

When I miss you inside whenever we say goodbye and I'm always the only one expressing it.

I have to say it before you'll give me an extra hug or smile.

I've concluded that I'm too sensitive cus I want you too much.

I should stop.

I love my life :)

Xavier

2011-01-19T02:39:00.000-08:00

Don't have to really...
Don't have to consider my feelings.

I mean it's only 2 months of not meeting. Can't hurt that much right?

Even if we meet before the 2 months it's gonna be rushy.

But it's okay.

I'm the more sentimental, take-it-slow kinda guy so it'll hit me more than you.

You won't feel it.

But if it makes your boat float. If it makes you smile. If it makes you happy.

I'll be happy too :)

Somehow the choices, expressions and decisions made,

makes me think that I want this more.

The lack of grip shows that I want this more. I'm gripping harder.

But too much for my own good it cuts through.

It doesn't matter though.

Don't worry just go.

I'll get by.

Someday, maybe someday, it will intensify and I'll feel the grip in my hands.

So tight I hope marks will show.

But it won't cut cus I'm soft.

Perhaps too vulnerable, too soft.

But I believe it works this way.

Life.

Thats how you spell it.

L-I-F-E

It won't be that bad. For me it will be worse.

I'll prepare for more atomic bombs.

So that I won't get heart attacks.

2010-06-13T00:47:00.000-07:00

Today is a "sian" day. I don't feel like doing anything!
But this has to go by tomorrow cus I have a billion and one things to do that I have left it on hold.
Like running 10k twice a week and doing my projects and doing disciple!
Arghhh I didn't know a girl can screw up your mind so much that you don't feel like doing anything. I wonder if she knows.
I always tell myself it's the right time! When is? seriously I need to know!
This time I'm not missing the train I gonna try everything I can. But not till the stage off desperation. It's more like slow and steady.

But I really enjoyed that day, it was magical haha yeah unbelievable right. I know
I can't really understand myself either. Not like you'll see this but Thank you.
I think I need a time off from all the church ministries and just have some quiet time with God and myself.
I have to get right with God. But how do you know when you're right with God?
What defines right?
Seriously I don't know. I need a mentor who is willing to walk closely with me.
I feel like I'm imposing on people sometimes when I pour my heart out to my DGL, CGL, Youth Leader. Just look to God I guess and give him the reins.

LOVE,
Xavier

2010-06-04T07:36:00.000-07:00

Hey blog now I'm certain no one visits my bloggg !!! hahaha yay!!
Anyway, studying can be quite sian after awhile.
AND CRAP I'M ADDICTED TO FRINGE !
i must stop this!!
STUDY Xavier !

I think I'm being played la but it's okay focus on exams and you'll forget hahaha.
Can't wait to hang out with desmond and ervine!
i met ervine today !
I really hope he'll do really well for A levels!
But he's got D Uni A...
anyway gtg bye !

2010-05-28T00:08:00.000-07:00

Before I forget I had good dinner with "Pastor" Robin and Luke Lim at Astons :)
We had guy talk and wow haha it was quite an inspiring time.

Fine.. I shouldn't use blogging as an excuse to rest. Do work now Xavier !

ciao blog

2010-05-27T22:02:00.000-07:00

She should know that guys are visual and hands-on.
GIRLS should just be more aware of their body language and the way they dress.
Sounds traditional, but it's true, it's practical and most importantly it's biblical.

Just a random thought anyway. Cus apparently guys in Singapore are getting super desperate.

2010-05-26T09:18:00.001-07:00

2010-05-25T20:54:00.000-07:00

Quirky is the word.
I am so stressed right now, I want to drink a strawberry milkshake. haha

2010-05-25T06:38:00.000-07:00

Are we egoistic, insensitive or just ignorant when say things like "oh what a small car you have" when we actually meant "what a cute car you have"
Or when "this guy/girl is stalking me" when they are just going your direction or looking at your direction.

Haha I don't even know how I started this blog.
Maybe, I need a life, or I just need an output since I don't really have friends to talk to.
Actually I do but I feel that they don't care sometimes or they just don't have the answers I want/need to hear.

I feel so legalistic, I judge, I diss and make comments. But I feel that it sets me apart from others.
I talk to myself all the time, thoughts like "it takes one day for me to be like you, but it will take more than one day for you to be like me"
"I am Jesus motivated, what about you?"

This kinda stuff floats in my mind when I see my friends clubbing, going for drinking parties, chasing after materials of the world.
I feel the constant need to remind myself not to be like them and it reaches to a point of being judgmental, legalism and most of the time gossip. (I try very hard to keep it to myself)

I think I'm addicted and I face the problem of judging the way people look, I'm visual man.
I find it so hard to change.
I need God.
I need Jesus.
But I'm not the quiet time kinda guy. I need to be that guy.
I have been taking God for a blessing machine.
I need prayers.
I need to be determined to change.
But how?
Read the bible....there is always a start for everything.
STOP.
Pray now.

2010-05-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

There's this new girl in the block.
Crap I think she's hot.
I feel the need to walk away, I made a pact.
I should stop thinking.
She probably just feels comfortable with me and treats me like a friend, that's all.
I wanna run away. Study dude !!!

My week's been grwat other than the fact that my Great Grandmother just passed on at 10:17 this morning. And only my Aunt was there. I feel sad yet I'm not even tearing. I don't know what to feel.
She use to play with me when I was younger and she would advice me like how most grandmothers would.
It scares people to know how young my family is. She's 94 BTW.
Now that she's gone I will miss her for those times, her smile and the joy she brings by mispronouncing my name as "Radio" I don't know how it got there.
The only regret I have was not being able to share with her the gospel.
I won't make the same mistake and this time God.

I pray you will give me the courage and break the language barrier so that I can share the gospel with my grandparents while they are still alive and kicking!

Anyway back to school, I need to study. I must Force myself to study no matter what.
Put the chick aside and just focus mann.... It's still you btw...

God please give me the wisdom to discern and the heart to persevere through this last year.
Thank God for Pentecost Sunday and I pray that God you will bring revival to this land.
Amen.

I don't mind writing here cus I think people don't read blogs anymore, or mine at least :)

2010-05-19T16:57:00.001-07:00

Yay ! I finally got the new Macbook pro. I just need cinnamon buns and I will be contented.
My mum sent her car to the workshop and they offered her to drive their temporary car for 4 days. The BEST thing is, they loaned her a TOYOTA WISH...
So yesterday was the official day I drove a SUV. Big stuff manzxzxz.
It has alot of road feedback but who cares it's a SUV!!

My life has been great so far. Just a few disappointments here and there but I think I'm fine.
I am just so confused right now.

I feel the need to run but I need motivation man. Otherwise it is 5k and I'm out for practically the week. See how lousy is my stamina.

School's school. Can't complain, Damien was right I chose the path now I have to walk it with no complains. Contentment.It's still you but I think I missed the boat. So forget it. Career first

2010-04-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

I WANT the NEW MACBOOK PRO !!!
Let's see... A new car, some cash... Nah kidding
life is way bigger than those.
All I want is a farmhouse with an average family and some good friends
just out of city life. And live simple.

Do people still blog?

2010-02-08T19:19:00.002-08:00

My blog is still around!
I'm waiting for psych to load up, otherwise I wouldn't be doing this.
Life is mundane, I feel stagnant.
I wonder if people still blog.

Do people still blog?

2010-02-08T19:19:00.001-08:00

2009-03-10T06:57:00.000-07:00

Things change when you grow.
kinda sucks.
i find myself constantly struggling with worldly stuff
things that are wrong, things that i don't need but want.
how do you fight these off.
everyone can quote me "i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
but honestly speaking i can't feel God anymore.
It almost seemed as though he just vanished.
I don't know where to find Him.
Places where the outcasts or the lost and the broken are?
where?
It's so hard!
gah

i guess its true that only through worship will i be able to hold on.
hmmmm
night

2009-02-26T17:29:00.000-08:00

hey hey.
haven't really got the time to blog
but thankfully this last paper is gonna be relatively okay.
since i have been doing accounting for so long and i keep getting stuck at the fundamentals. it's quite boring !

Anyway, Saturday was fusion and no words could describe how brilliantly awesome it was. Planetshakers was good. The crowd at the third session was the best cause it wasn't crowded there was enough space for everyone.
and Sunday went for some talk by planetshakers in the evening it was great fun !
with the BAM! and stuff.

i have been really clumsy for the pass few days i keep knocking my wound till its like a bump now. cause when i it hit on something a wound would appear on the wound
gah I'm confused.

I think it's LUKE LIM's BIRTHDAY. oops=)
haha
exam in 5 hours time man!
better study
bye!

How great Thou art =)

2009-02-18T08:06:00.000-08:00

As I grow older I somehow have the tendency to think that God isn't real and that those things that I have felt in church were just mere emotions. Or that the bible is just another moral textbook which tells us about the right and wrong. I'm not sure if it's just me but I tend to forget that God has changed my life by simply just giving me a brand new mind and heart. And I'll never forget that encounter in sec 1&2 church camp.

Looking back actually gave me the assurance that this God is real. He moves !
no offense to Buddhists but I grew up in a Buddhist environment and after so many years of a variety of offerings nothing happens. You might argue with me with a whole lot of theories to try and prove me wrong.
(I apologize if anyone should feel angry after reading this, I blog in peace.)

But I dare say that this God of mine never change and never fails. All He need is a little bit of faith, a heart that will honestly say God I believe in Your son Jesus Christ and admit that you have sinned. And a miracle will take place that will change your life. Unbelievable? Believable.

Those who will hold on to God till the end of days will have eternal life. Being a Noah Jr. and building your own boats with your families in it really takes courage , determination, patience and discipline. People will mock you and try to tear you down, but are you firm enough in God to last through this race?

I guess it all boils down to one thing, to dare to try. I've always have trouble
understanding why it is so hard for people to accept a God that needs His people to love Him and that's all !

Ah well, that is something I will never be able to grasp. If it was this easy there wouldn't be missions.

just some random thoughts.
I'm super tired

Xavier.

2009-02-15T05:57:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,
It has been awhile.I doubt anyone would read this since its a forgotten blog.
I write to vent my anger and also some thoughts.
Just so you know I'm alive and kicking just really pissed at myself.
Anyway, I've been trying to be a good boy, kinda like finishing up assignments and with a whole lot of commitments that I should just neglect instead.
Just remembered about a few forgotten assignments that will bloody cost me a few percent about 15% plus. FYI this module is 5 or 6 credits so ouch there goes my GPA. I still don't understand how Mechanical systems can be a real estate's business course core module. WHAT THE HECK.

I never did understand this God's grace that was given so freely for us or at least for me, and I still don't.
Someone reminded me that I can never understand this grace until something goes really wrong with my life. It's kinda true cause we've been living in such comfort and luxury, that we've taken this grace for granted. So much so that as Christians we don't even behave like we have received this grace.
I don't really know how to put it in words but seeing God alive in my life a few times wasn't enough. In another words I'm thirsty for God to see what He have in stored for me I just don't have the determination to seek Him.

Every single time i try, never once am I not distracted by my surroundings like mostly people and cars.
I think i need something to burst my pride bubble. I need a really sharp needle to poke my ass so that i can think, remember and not judge.
Oh yeah people around me will know that i am forgetful. so forgive me =)
and I really pray that God will give me a mind that will help me to remember.
i don't want to be 1 minute Tom or something.

I really pray that this will be put into action like get myself a planner and organize myself.
I've been really cranky(short-tempered or retarded), blame the weather bla bla bla. yeah that's life and I've never learn how to actually say from the bottom of my heart that my life rules. =(

Xavier have decided to follow Jesus and be changed. Please pray for me =)
I am gonna study like I've never before. remind me to =) haha

alright night guys
sleeping time.

2008-12-22T08:26:00.000-08:00

hey hey
it was a really weird day
i woke up early today but i felt super lazy
so i got myself hooked onto the tv
ahhh the life of hols haha i love it man
just pure slacking
haha afterwhich went out for christmas shopping
that totally went off track
met luke sim and shamus at fareast randomly
so the four of us including luke yan went over to esteler
met bok bok to buy hospitality stuff for "The Stand"
then went on to buy christmas presents
i was left with 10 mins of that
walked through bugis street (it took us more than 15mins)
it's super crowded la
with techno and occasional shouts from the vendors
went for a meeting after that
and carolling prac yupp
more shopping tomorrow!
NIGHT
haha

2008-12-17T18:28:00.000-08:00

hey hey
woke up early today (9a.m)
hahaha
hmmm super retarded
i ran for 3km then started walking
haha super weird I felt giddy while running
have a stupid npsu thing today
but gonna go for carolling later i guess
don't feel like going for npsu la
hmmm i shall take a shower before i decide =)
ahh
just a thought while i was walking back home
from the weird run
Jesus came to fight a battle 2000 years ago
and the battle has been won
so why are there still people fighting
yes and why is campus crusade called campus crusade
and not something else.
hmmm a crusade is defined as war/holy war
intriguing...
maybe i have little knowledge about it but
it'll be kinda cool to read about it hahaha

Xavier =)

2008-12-16T08:43:00.000-08:00

sleep !!!
argh something that i've been deprived of for the past few weeks
more stuff to do during the hols
christmas party was okay
just that it felt more like a year 2 and 3 party
ah well only 4 year ones was there...sucks
but the food was good ! guess who did food
obviously it'll turn out great haha

stupid la had some gift exchange and no i didn't get one
yea haha
gonna sleep soon

trust God always
Satisfied about your life?
have it filled with the spirit and you'll be empowered by the Holy Spirit
some awesome truths that dillon taught us today

oh yeah shoutouts to christmas comm
thanks for helping had some fun working with you guys !

gonna sleep now night

2008-12-15T07:57:00.000-08:00

ahhh finally got some time to spare
for this miserable blog that no one reads
thats fine i love talking to myself anyway
get to know who i really am i guess

so hey just came back from a meeting and a movie today
I felt really bad for being late
But other than that they're just gonna ask me about updates
for the food thats gonna be catered
I dont really see the need to be there
just tired and lazy i guess
sorry for being so irresponsible
I'll change

anyway BOLT was awesome awesome awesome
loads of morals to learn from it
must look deeper i guess
thanks Halim, Luke Yan, Choey and Faith.

all the best for your project yanny yan yan (luke)
hahahahahaha

uhhh really really trying to sort out my various commitments
i really wanna do eveything but i can't
i live really far and time is limited Gah !
i am really really sorry
scold me to wake me up please !
I'll improve i need some time for changes
The least important that is on my list now is prestiege
yes that.
next would be stags
then i'll be fine

"Nothing is impossible through Christ who strengthens me"
its in my own words i think cause a bible is not with me.
haha
but yeah God is the "Great I Am"
therefore
I M possible =)
there.... so nothing is IMpossible

Lord strengthen me I pray
For i am nothing without you.

Unveil Tomorrow !

Love,
Xavier

2008-12-10T03:08:00.000-08:00

wohooo 2 more papers to go.
Computer Drawing (Friday) & Econs (Saturday)
Sucks man haha...
saturday paper !!! stupid econs !!!
IDS was okay today,
can't hope to do well, simply cause my drawing sucks..
alright guys super tired now
and i hardly ran a half marathon ah sucks man.
i was super bored so i decided to take a shortcut haha
about 14km plus minus.
second time from Loyang to Changi Beach.
haha
sucks man
BIG TIME
Gonna study soon

God give me strength and determination !
Let Psalms 51 be my prayer ! the prayer of David.
Thank you Lord =)

Gonna eat now! Night

Oh Yeah Wanna give a shoutout to Manda
HAVE FUN IN PHILLIPINES !!!
Bring some durians back for me i don't mind
DIAMONDS =)
hahah

2008-12-09T03:59:00.000-08:00

Hey Hey!

Birthday shoutout !!!
Damien, Prash, Ken Chin, Jun Ming !!
Happy Birthday all you people !

Alright. Kinda miss church camp and all
Just wish that church camps will never end.
God was there and His spirit was uber strong.
One of the strongest I've ever felt.
I feel like crap now (not because of church camp.
I hate myself. Because i have no determination,
no self control, i feel like crap.
I just wanna kill myself,
What the hell is wrong with me!?
Go away Satan you suck loads

ahhhh anyway church camp can't describe it too awesome.
Days sped by, we should have powers to control time.
So busy preparing for games during camp,
Kudos to Ryan, Becks, Games Comm, Damien, Luke Yan, Ben Tay, Logs Comm,
Su Fen, Bernice and 1 Peter
For spelling out the word Fun to me during camp.
I really hope that we'll learn to trust God in whatever we do
Enjoy Life and Stay Clean !!!

Night !
Xavier :)

THE FOLLOWING POST IS FILLED WITH TRUCKLOADS OF NEGATIVENESS
READ IT AT YOUR OWN RISK !!!!
<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>

God please help me fix my guitar.
I feel weird without it ! Argh
Angry with myself
everyone's flying going for vacations while i'm stucked here
on this safe but miserable little red Dot
so sad.
why do common tests even exists.
isn't everyday a test in itself already
so tired
I've never felt so drained before
what happen to the energy i had in camp

Its gone, everything's gone
I wanna get free i wanna break this thing
i wanna just sing God's song everyday
Hyms, praise, worship anything !

"For I tell you the truth anyone who knows the word
and does not put it into practice is futile."
(it's in my own words btw)

I feel like a hypocrite.
God help me.
I love You, and i need You oh God.
Be with me I pray.

Argh this world, i despise.
The God and Church I Love
Help Me Forget and I'll never Do it again this I promise
This my covenant to You My God.

FOREVER AND EVER
Xavier Chng

(bring me to a place where i can forget everything of this world
where i can just hangout with You, Alone.) Help Me

2008-11-22T08:19:00.000-08:00

hmmm everything seems so far away.
right now i don't really know what to do.
it was sooo near yet so far.

why do things always turn out this way.
hmmm.
fully charged with faith,
and now i'm depleting.
it's like playing monopoly
just when i make it big it rolls down the hill

okay anyway
i've been sleeping quite late
skipping lectures and tutorials.
i dont know why.
what a nice time to skip them
when common tests are 2 weeks away
omg ! 2 weeks
DIE DIE DIE!!!

okay im not gonna procrastinate.
chill xavier chill
alright have to start studying.
i'll start with econs first !!
then MES followed by POA
IDS and stuff haha

alright night !!!

GOD BLESS

2008-11-13T11:28:00.000-08:00

hi guys
i feel like ranting so much but no haha
too tired la
stupid mosquitoes the buzzing sound alone makes me itch
insect repellent is the way man.
anyway crusade was kinda cool.
no fear and no. fear!
winnie was talking about how we should only fear God.
but there was only ne verse going through my mind for the whole of life meeting
"the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom"
cheeem, deep...
hahaha it's really difficult i guess
But we'll have to be like david a man after God's heart.
even though he was a murderer, adulterer and bla bla
he still held on to God and i think thats the most important part
as long as we are willing to cling on to God he will always carry us through
Like no matter how dirty we feel or how unworthy we feel we should still talk to God
Cause Jesus came down for that reason, for our sins so yeah.
Continue to hold on to God guys.

There's a long and bumpy journey life but as long as we hold on to our Rock of salvation,
we will emerge as victors.
oh yeah, one last thought christians do make mistakes,
it's not what we do that makes us who we are.
It's who we put our faith in.
Humans make mistakes, christians are humans too give us some time man.
It's really difficult to just pretend like we're all fine and dandy anyway.
we all have our individual struggles in life be it big or small.

alright going to bed now night guys !

2008-11-11T08:54:00.000-08:00

Hey guys !

just a short one.
cause i have loads of stuff waiting for me to finish up.
Anyway just got my internet up, finally ! whew.

Things i have to do by this week :

PAC assignment
(NPSU) have to call some vendors
Online forum for Econs (which is totally useless)
Church Games comm stuff
get rid of my flu
And some cool stuff.
listen to my new playlist
get bibles for my mum and dad
get 2 restored book for mum's friends
oh yeah and meet up with my old friends like desmond and ervine !!!
Practice for bagpipes
Go for Boys' Brigade on saturday
GET SOME SUPER LONG AND WELL DESERVED SLEEP!!! haha

nothing much happened lately
i just got a late remark on my attendance sheet last week
fell sick on friday.
ermmm yeah.

haha gonna do some work now. oh my it's 1:05 !!!
arghhh wait for me time !!!
she's never angry :) haha (inside joke)

Night night everyone

2008-11-03T03:07:00.000-08:00

Ooops it has been a really long time. haha
Really busy with school.
Anyway everything has been fine and dandy so far with some exceptions.
Oh yeah school started 3 weeks ago btw. haha
Cool haven't blogged for weeks!
Shall i start ? hmmm.
okay lets start with my really peculiar lecturers.
Seriously i've been coming out from their lectures and tutorials with mixed feelings.
Ever felt like crying and laughing at the same time ?
Yeah that...
This is the first time in my whole entire life having queer teachers put together.
Somehow no words other than GAY can describe them.
but some of them are really nice like my MES and PAC.
PAC might be too feminine for comfort but nonetheless nice.
I hope he's not really really gay in the head though.

Now for my classmates.
Most of them are nice people but there are a few closet muggers :(
I don't really know who my true friends are (yupp that's how i feel)
Yes although sometimes i might "suan" them, but i hope they will never take it seriously.
But it's fun when people just laugh it off or get back at me.
But even so repeating old jokes and events will get boring eventually.
It's in my blood to kidd with people
just so you know i've been holding back quite alot :)
But overall okay, class but not united.

Moving on campus crusade, yes!!
It's fun, exciting, family like and full of energy !!
I really like to thank God for leading me back to campus crusade
cause without them i would not have gotten closer to God,
and not to mention the really awesome people in it!!! haha
I really feel that God's alive in me and everything.
And thank God for my disciple group.
hopefully i'll continue to do QT everyday.
Playing my guitar again yay! haha
(somehow the strings feel better now) hmmmm

Ngee Ann Student's Union .
I just find it super duper ultra uber supercalifragilistic vulgar
ahhh so much things to do and politics.
oh well.

that's kinda my life in a few paragraphs.

church is getting awesomer by the week coolios.

anyway gtg bye

2008-10-02T06:11:00.000-07:00

Cheer up guys.
Why are the peeps around me getting so depressed.
"Always look on the bright side of life" (whistles*)
Why can't we be straightforward and nice at the same time.
This way things won't be as complex as it seems.
And instead we'll grow to become closer friends.
But on the other hand we all need to think positively and be ourselves.
Just try to be our best, even when times are bad.
I know it's easier said then done.
But come on lets just take a deep breath,
and cannonball ourselves into the water.
Who knows you'll end up having more friends =)
Oh well, anyway my mum never fails to say this to me whenever i start judging.
"Look even your five fingers are not leveled nobody is perfect,
different fingers are used in different situations.
But when when they work together they are perfect,
cause God made us. Wanna know the bonus?
God made us in His image."

So we are made to do great things.
We are not made to criticize every tiny mistake that people make.
We are here to acknowledge our/others mistakes and then
learn and grow from it, and sometimes repent.
God gave us Jesus. He is grace.
His blood that flowed from the cross is grace.
It is for us to learn from our mistakes to repent.
So why don't we just make full use of this grace to bless others to.
Make friends not enemies.
Why can't we all just accept each other's indifference and live in peace.

So what if this guy goes all out to make you feel bad?
Can't you see that he is trying to put you down to his level
so that he can be a little better than you.
We came from nothing and we'll go with nothing.
We are all the same cause we only have our nothingness to boast about.
Love thy enemies, and one day you'll reap what you sow.
One day your enemies will find themselves like fools,
and instead they'll ask for your forgiveness.
But let us not make him kowtow to you when that day comes,
let us invite him with our open arms, just like what Jesus did.
Do your best and don't let the cross be up for nothing.

haha enough said.
On a lighter note, i've not been helping out with housework like sweeping and mopping.
I'll do it tomorrow, I PROMISE mum =)
What i did today was interestingly boring,
it will bore you guys like how reading a dictionary bores me.
All i did was watch DARK KNIGHT and play tribalwars & facebook.
Going out tomorrow man !!! egggggggciting !!! hahaha

alright guys i'm off to watch my tv shows and hang around with my parents.
(not forgetting the awesome red wine!!!)

night night!

2008-10-01T09:33:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANELLE !!!

You're 3 years old now !!! haha i feel so happy for you!
At least she is not all mood swingy now.
although she still does.

I think Ben Tan is such a nice dad.
I've never ever had a floating castle for my 3rd birthday.
Put aside the fact that i celebrated mine at Macs when i was 3 =)
But janelle is one lucky toddler that has almost everything in a 3 year old world.

Yupp anyway i reached home today to find that my mum was drinking red wine.
I gladly helped myself to it =)
As usual i swirled my wine about 12 times, cause 12 is a nice number.
Sucked the air from the glass and knew that it was good wine almost immediately.
It tasted better than all the reds that i've tried.
Asked my mum for the price and she casually told me 300 plus.
Guess it was a gift from her boss.
She gets free flow of wine, seriously and i love it!
After drinking 3 glasses of 14.5% alcohol my head is finally swirling.
I thought i'd never get drunk or high.
Oh well I thought wrong.

Anyway it was really nice to hang(damien, coughs*) haha with church clique again.
It was funn and we were all laughy and what not. Hint: retarded =)
Janelle is simply too cool now.
She's all grown up and luke got the taste of it.
Thanks to Becks and Choey teaching her how to throw water and bits of chicken at people haha.
Oh yeah and last but not least, thanks to Ben Tan for making all these fun to happen.

Today is gonna be one of the best day of my life =)

Love you guys =D

Gtg sleep now i feel so swirly in my head, crap too much alcohol =P

2008-09-30T06:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes being the oldest doesn't mean that you are the smartest.
Sometimes being the oldest doesn't mean that you are all knowing.
Sometimes doing the right thing isn't doing the right thing.
Sometimes being normal isn't being normal.
Sometimes true love might not be true.

Went out today with Gavin and Hari !!! haha long time no see brothers !
Anyway, i went for an interview at subway.
And i should be starting work anytime soon :) yay!
If you're near marina square please do drop by and say hi.
I really think that the subway uniform is kinda cool without the hat.
I'll look like some goblin looking thing with the cap la.
Oh well i'll have to wear it if i want free subway right?

By the way i'll be off to camp from 6th of oct till the 9th of oct.
It's a crusade camp but today's still far from it la.
Oh yeah HARI RAYA PEEPS !!!! haha
I kinda dont miss Ngee Ann classes and lectures.
I miss Barker. 4C1, Luke Sim, Desmond, Samuel Wong.
I miss Church. Sec 3 camp was the bomb people!
Damien, Luke, Ben(both Bens), Prash, Becks, Choey, Edmund, Yi Xian, Zhen Yang,
Halim and many others who have touched my life.
I miss my BB brothers.
I miss ChiangMai. PeePee!!! yupp thats his name alright love him to bits !
I miss Chinese New Year.
I miss the time where i was innocent and on fire for God =)
I miss everything and everyone whom i've met in my life,
be it retards or smarty pants or stupids.
I love you all the same. =)

i shall end here. Chill Y'all !

-Xavier

2008-09-29T01:30:00.000-07:00

Hey guys !

Shopping in malaysia was crazy ! haha
Everywhere was just filled with people (think elephants in shopping malls)
ZOMG
haha but mummy was smart she decided to hit the movies!
yeah and we watched mamamia. it was funny and cartoonish alright.
its like the mature version of hairspray. i shan't spoil it for you guys
but its an okay movie i'll give it a 3.5/5 cause its kinda like a chick flick.
and my dad was enjoying the comfort of theatre seats so much so that he slept
haha what a dad ! but i still love him.

Anyway, most of the shopping spoils are for mummy =(
things over there are just not really that cheap and nice anyway. hahaha
anyhow i'm gonna ask mummy if i can do online shopping. haven't tried that
oh yeah crusade camp's in a weeks time
i just have to hang on while boredom suffocates me slowly.

BY THE WAY IF YOU GET A MOB INVITE FROM ME ON FACEBOOK PLEASE JOIN
i need some entertainment from it, like leveling up so that i can do more things on facebook.
THANK YOU!

Xavier =)

2008-09-24T05:16:00.000-07:00

hey guys !
went out with matthew my cow friend =)
Learned some photography skills from him
It was a day of gossiping and 450D and what not haha
erm catching up would be a nicer word for gossiping =)
Great food (Ikea) and Scenery (Hort park)
Oh and it was super this was the first time a stranger asked us if were from ACS
haha AWESOMEO !
It was quite funny when matthew looked at me with his classic face.
Guess where I brought him to?
Esplanade terrace.
Singaporeans who have not been there should kill themselves,
'Cause it makes a really nice hanging out place when it's empty.
Oh yeah we kinda ran into this group of act cool guys
Guy A says: hey this shirt looks really good on me
Guy B: Yeah
Guy A: I'll look better with it if my chest was bigger
hahahaha i was laughing at that guy cause he was really skinny

But today was a real boring day for me everyone backed out =(
supposed to be going for sushi buffet and movies and bowling
oh well...
Anyway just some quick thoughts.
Ever wondered why guys are so egoistic? i really can't find an answer to that.
I mean it's okay to think that you're nice or good-looking ONCE in awhile
But i keep hearing "hey I think that girl likes me"
haha i always get a good laugh when guys say that.
I think i'm evil but yeah life sucks, so suck it up dude.
Oh yeah i hate players cause they think they are good-looking
there won't be a lack of girls for them. Come on man.
One day God will just say enough is enough.
And who knows you'll end up with weird girls or no girls.
I'm not jealous of them.
well some people know what or maybe who it'll be.

Anyway, my dream life is to sit on a rocking chair with my guitar with my other half
without having the cares of this world.
life would be sweet if i had a few kids and then grandchildren
to play the PS 3 with or something haha that would really be awsomeo!
hahaha
Leading a missonary life wouldn't be that bad either =)
either one would be great la hahaa

I have no plans for tomorrow
But i have the urge to bowl and eat really good cheesecake
add in the jazz music and that'll be complete.

haha anyway i wont be going to china anymore
i'll be going to KL instead because of the typhoon and bla bla
i'll be back on monday this time
I'm really sorry i can't make it for the church children's day thingy
i'd really love to.
anyway i'm not even sure if i'll be leaving on friday
cause my true best friend (think MOSH) would know that i have a flexible mum
she's so unpredictable that she's predictable sometimes. i'll just have to suck it up
Love thy parents.

So many predictble things have finally been predicted now all i have to do is sit back
and enjoy and forsee the circumstances and obstacles that some might face haha
you know what i'm talking about well for some la

haha alright I'm still as confused as ever
playing guitar and talking to God really helps
all i need is for his divine timing and answers =)
I really Love God but there are things where we have to give up in order to love Him
and also do His will.
just pray i guess and God will help.

alright i gtg now chill you all
all the best for promos

2008-09-21T21:11:00.000-07:00

Hey guys it has been quite a wild ride for me i guess.

few would know that haha.
anyway i'll most probably be flying off this thursday (sorry STAGS)
Ops Twilight Storm would be fun too bad cus i'll miss the fun
the ironies of life could sometimes surprise you
but somehow you find yourself stuck in between

haha anyway just got back from challengers sentosa trip not too long ago
it was fun la but the starting was slow and uneventful
everyone was lying around haha
somehow someone managed to kick our butts moving
and we all started playing volleyball
i promise you that it was my first time playing volleyball
Cause i usually watch people play it in the olympics
okay fine you can call me lazy haha
oh yeah and that saturday was the first time i took a tram around sentosa beaches
yupp i think singapore is a really boring place to live in
staying would be alright

oh yeah mistake i walked myself right into the sea and david pushed me in
well there was a moment of intensive pricks on my left knee
oh yeah went to eat at koufu, looked at parrots
and dam! birds pee okay i just saw it last saturday
i thought birds only shit but they pee! hahaha
cheapthrills not a tad morbid.
and more volleyball haha awesome stuff yeah

oh yeah after showering we cam whored like totally man
everywhere we go, cameras just kept flashing
ate dinner and hung out outside marche haha
we became retarded with kai the big one
and yeah

sunday was just camp com meeting and stuff for church camp
games IC will be quite slack i guess
school's starting in a few weeks time gotta start getting into the mood of schooling
haha no more dozing off lectures

last night's match was entertaining haha

anyway i'm a confused boy now haha
do you think i should give up ?
i have a warped dictionary haha cause giving up is not in it
i dont know la haha led God lead thy way i guess :)
between these 2, dead or alive?
ignorance is bliss, wonder if its true?
haha maybe i should try that
okay enough of talking to myself hahha

bye love you guys !

2008-09-15T07:09:00.000-07:00

hey guys

It has been quite a happening holiday for me so far loaded with overseas trips and camps.
well so far i still have a carnival, china trip (with my mum) yay! and crusade camp.
I just found out that i actually have a huge appetite eating whatever that is edible =)
Yupp i love food and chocolates i wonder if its divine or decadent ?
Anyway, just so you know my latest cravings:
cornflake cookies, durians!, strawberries,peaches and surprisingly not mooncakes.
Nutrition Fact:
Did you know that eating 1 average sized mooncake is equivalent to eating 5 bowls of rice?
haha yupp thats true but I'm okay with it.

News flesh(sp i know i did it on purpose):
I flew from my bike again, just that this time its my fault. i kinda was "free handing" while speeding,
Yupp and i didn't see the stupid step and i flew, whieee, ended getting caught with a flesh wound
No seriously have you ever felt cement scraping on your knees with your bike on you.
It adds to the damage =) love the wounds i got a bruised thigh and a lovely abstract on by left knee
courtesy of the cement pavement.
(I was free handing cause i thought i dropped something.) super smart of me
Bryant said normal people would stop to check. I'm special remember ?
FYI: i was trying to get to the BBQ pit asap.

Oh yeah Math carnival is coming up tomorrow at NP convention centre
I'll be mending a games stall :)
It's 1 CCA point per day better than nothing.

Can't wait for the china trip which is next week
oh and halim said i might be able to start working in church on the 25th =) funn yupp

alright just got my new guitar strings and it blew a hole in my pocket
it's awesome a whole new level for me man the sound is sweet !

bye !

2008-09-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

hey guys

oh yeah Happy sweet eighteen to Elisa

Anyway nothing much happened
went for challengers it was fun at least my group was.
came up with a few cool cheers it was like,
"anyone have any cheers?" and everything started to pour in =)
although we came from many different cliques we still bonded the best
not to mention our enthusiasm well we try to participate in every single activity
now i have a compilation of the many different games i can use for church camp
awesome!
decisions decisions decisions.
now i'll have to choose between student's union thingy or mission trip
i hate it when it comes to holidays where some camps clashes with your plans
oh well life sucked in many ways for me and it's still sucking.

I just cannot contain the problems i have with my sister.
although we are as good as twins i still dont understand her seriously
why him ?
i think you deserve better sis haha
i dont get it and i never will.
if you ever read this try looking at yourself from a third person view
five words your brain is screwed up to even like him

Anyway got my holidays lined up with activities just need to carry out as planned haha
"so how's life?" scored pretty well
what do you normally get from it ? "not bad, it sucks, great or bad"
almost one word answers, no i deserve something more girl.

i hate it when people leave you hanging on a piece of shaved ham
"Do you like cows ?" (standard answers) "yes"
why don't you just say "yes because they are black and white"
so that i wont have to ask why. Queer =)
yeah and did i mention how i like people who replies your messages in 2 or 3 hours (consecutively)
i mean, you don't have to drop it in a mail box to get it delivered right?
all you have to do is send i don't like you.
i hate people who tries to accommodate me by acting in front of me hiding their true self
try giving them a dollar for their act and they'll spit in your face.

oh well life's like a drama anyway.
we should all drink wine and be mature instead of being immature
so what if that guy hates you ?
you can't force him to like you right?
so what if you prove that he's an ass
you'll end up being an ass for proving that he's one
suck it up and move on and ask God to bless him (bible says love your neighbours)

people should be flexible anyway that'll cause less problems then
so what if you have a problem and panicked without being flexible and going your way ?
what start screaming and blaming other people when you don't see your own flaws ?
stop think listen and decide you don't own the world dude
nobody's perfect accept that fact and aim to be perfect
without asking people to be perfect with you
to change people you first have to change yourself and thats so true.
remove the plank in your eye before helping others to remove their speck remember?

phew finally got SOME things out of my chest oh well more will come haha
oh yeah btw what i've just listed is a reminder for myself haha

night it's 1:23a.m cool haha
i wish i was as innocent as before.

2008-09-03T06:30:00.000-07:00

Hey Guys !

Came back from Endau Rompin trip on saturday.
And it was AWESOME !
I mean do you sing army songs and crack retarded jokes on your overseas school trip?
okay some brief details about the trip and before the trip.

Monday.
went for mix and splash camp the process of registration was uber long !
then had some sadistic games out to kill freshies.
dinner was crap hahaha.
then we went for a really fun nightwalk yupp
and slept at 2 plus

Tuesday.
woke up quite early for nothing cause after breakfast we basically waited for 2 hours
for the bus to take us to sentosa. had some really fun games
again the amazing race was out to kill us. I had to eat flour!
anyway we were all zonked out due to the lack of sleep and running around sentosa
so went back to pack my stuff for Endau Rompin and slept

Wednesday.
Woke up at 5.30 and got the shock of my life cause i thought i saw a ghost but it was Elisa
standing beside my sleeping bag. imagine ghost with long hair beside you the moment you wake up
yeah then left to meet the Endau Rompin Group and got on the coach to malaysia
it was a long and bumpy journey to the nature reserve because to get there we had to go off road for 2 hours
did rafting after settling down cause it was raining and night walk was canceled.
went to see the traps the tribal people used for killing animals (super cool uber cool)
ate some really traditional food kinda tasted like chiangmai food hahaha.
after which we cooked our own noodles, i was hungry okay.
and we went to sleep after peanut butter bread.

Thursday.
woke up pretty early and prepared ourselves for a hike to see the waterfall and blue lake
liches were crawling all over us yupp but we were so used to it that they became like mosquitoes to us
hiked for about 3-4 hours through strong river currents, thick forest and steep slopes
and we finally reached the waterfall it was superb. haha the postcard type of scenery =)
then we went to the blue lake to soak our feet and let the fishes bite us
actually more like throwing rocks at the fishes la hahaha.
head back to camp another 2 hours of trekking and it was all over hahah
no more suckers (liches)

the night was filled with activities
ghost stories like our campsite is on a graveyard.
intelligent games played by the locals was on sale together with tongkat ali ! hahhahaha
had a taste of it but nothing happened maybe i'm strong enough already
afterwhich we decided to scare the other bunk so we stacked up mattresses to look like a coffin
on top of that we made a human like body with pillows and covered it with blanket
it took us 5 mins to do it.
it was so real that we even scared ourselves wth !
yupp then got scolded for it after that i got really guilty but the whole gang laughed it off after that
really thankful for people like them =)

Friday.
woke up and packed our bags ready to leave however we still had one more task and that is to cook our lunch
using the traditional method!!!! it was funn ! becasue i get to play with fire okay
and we cam whored and killed ants
bamboo chicken was awesome we did a great job !
haha actually the locals did the most hahahahha
same bumpy ride out of that place
finally to our hotel after a lousy dinner.
the hotel was not bad la at least a 2 star.
went out with my group for movie, shopping and supper =)
awesome time. then there was a saga at the hotel. nvm that

Saturday.
breakfast was normal
not as good as Endau Rompin =)
left the hotel went to shop for 3 hours plus lunch too.
bought 1 shirt its kinda nice =)
headed back to singapore ! feels like home air was fresher somehow.
took group photos and departed.
loved the Trip people were nice and friendly awesome!
hopefully we'll have a post trip soon ! haha

Monday.
had stags for the barker scouts they were alright la
but not as skilled as the BB
we agreed to organize a laser tag game between them to see who's the best
but that means more business ! hahhahha! love it !

oh yeah if you guys dont already know i'm in a laser tag business with a few friends
feel free to call me if you want laser tag games ! I'll glady quote you guys a reasonable price =)

so far business is good got to clinch HP and some Barker CCA groups yupp haha

alright that'll be all for today bye !

2008-08-24T08:57:00.000-07:00

Hi guys nothing much happened thats why i didn't update all i did was study, stags, eat and sleep. yupp
exams are over by the way, and i'll be in malaysia from the 27th to 30th of Aug.
it be camps for the start of this week :)
oh yeah i'm still in a dilemma BMC or BRMC oh well one week each la haha :)

Anyway, I thank God for being faithful and still guiding me through even though i've left him by the side for weeks if not months
I pray that it'll not be some end of the year thing like drawing near to GOd at the end of the year because of church camps, etc
but that this will last forever. like " give me oil in my lamp keep me burnin' burnin' burnin' " yupp that good ol' song.

alright time to sleep night everyone.

2008-07-27T02:48:00.000-07:00

Hey guys!
I plan to start this blog all over again and make it my diary just like jag's blog =)
Anyway, just to update you guys i've been spending most of my time on Ngee Ann and STAGS. yeah thats the life =D
Life doesn't seem to suck so much anymore. In fact I'm in a dilemma now. oh no (den den den !!!)
Yupp went to send bryant off to tekong that day it was OMGoshly resortish super awesome. i just want to quit Ngee Ann to go for NS now hahaha. the only thing thats stopping me now is i wont be able to get into OCS =P.
Life is great with friends like Uncle Chris, Saiful, Gavin, Jag, Hari, Bryant, Kenny and Kah Wei now. (oh yea and not forgetting you matthew)
Ngee Ann is okay it's just that my class is not sporty at all. we don't hangout after school =( oh well exams are nearing anyway.
i think catch my disease is super awesome i'm kinda addicted to it now hope i don't get the song's disease. HAHA so farny right.
Bedok Methodist Church or Barker Road Methodist Church? hmm now that is the question to ask.

Okay gavin and i just packed bryant's dungeon so I'm kinda feeling sneezy now but it's neat "disclaimer: not undusty yet." just learned some balloon tricks today anyway. haha okay gotta go back home for dinner now BYE!